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Let us begin after my last vanishing from my last blog where I was paranoid as heck and things getting worse and better at the same time. Hopefully, due to circumstances that follow, the issue with the last blog is resolved by others around me, but at this time I cannot make any promises.
Even though I'm curious what is on the other side of that wall...
Things were going about their usual flow with a discovery I made while working on my previous blog that is too long to show at this time, here's a picture from the document the post became:
this eventually lead to strange pictures like this, you would have to download it to view it, many of the shared pictures are too big to show without zoom:
Anyways, this project taught me how to use these images for lots of stuff, I began trying to rework my original story again, but that story is never finished cause I'm bored of it always. Anyways, this attempt was a written version that lost all its pictures on the document so I gave up, but I drew this sweet picture during the adventure:
In it I was trying to go beyond like usual:
And the same story was supposed to do it, while telling the original story:
However it was likely doomed by its usual over excessive length, that caused me to see too far ahead and skip the whole thing, that's usually what happens. Below is the whole story and is 40 dimensional theory of everything that is incomplete:
Their were plenty of nice pictures too, I'm kindof disapointed by its loss of interest due to having to put them all back into it. They were too large and crashed the document:
These were the headed tragectory which headed for the peak of the tower of avondale, but as usual it took too long to get there and I spoiled the ending for myself planning it. I also couldn't make it this way, so I moved on to a simpler version:
This is an unmentioned part of my creative process where I go to hell when I get bored cause I like doing that, theirs another way in avoiding it and training your brain to do otherwise if you get stuck in that mind set, its not going to hurt you but you have to stop thinking of it for it to go away.
This was the plan for the simple version, this imidiatly went fully unexpected, creating an entirely different version I suddenly wanted to deal with. It is likely here that I entered a strange transient psychosis like nothing I had ever seen before...
I lost interest while looking for the villain after I started... So I drew this and other stuff...
By this point, I was already gone, gone mad into things hard to describe. Luckily everything after the first picture I was able to find and share. I know not where the first picture went... It was just a walk in a painting that's all... First is me getting paranoid...
Then I get very paranoid and fix it with this picture:
I sortof remember how to make these styles, they could likely never be redrawn however, for being beyond human only capacity. As one actually requires a computer to make anything like them. Our hands don't work this way.
Then I draw this, another travel through a painting portal, where I go crazy and make really weird things and generally have continuous jarring actions, most of this stuff still makes somekind of sense, but its actually likely too advanced for most to grasp at this time. The reason I'm insane is I couldn't control where my mind was going. I was unable to make decisions and forced to deal with the thoughts whether I wanted to or not.
My mood was beyond up and down...
I literraly gave up on my projects to start fresh and do some entirely other reality on the way, for about five minutes but turned back around...
This is how I ended the story I starting making that lead to all that came after the teeth arrived...
I moved on to something else I wanted to do, cause this weird thing had interrupted my adventure that was supposed to go the original direction. I ended up starting with earlier portions inspired by my life, this didn't go well because I was still crazy!
This picture took days, because the whole time I kept seeing things in mind so bizzaar I couldn't function normally and struggled to finish half of this and by the second half I was having bouts of not remembering where my original mind was and had to draw those things in the upper left half corner to escape a strange other brain chemical arrangement.
I can still do these things if I try...
It was the weirdest thing, I drew a second picture to explain and record what happened:
I did not finish the picture, because the computer crashed and I won't as that's what happened, its not more then stuff i redo later anyways. Infact we are currently at the last picture in my current location in time.
Then I decide to try a third time to tell my original story, but it goes awry again and on my birthday I perceptively die and am born again as the guy that left to begin this journey at 16. The story shown below.
This is where the story ends, I was hospitalized after and worked on the original story and while not finished I hope to continue it after another thing. This is the other direction my story took, not the original, that has already been told on another blog called the fall of prosporo. I just like the story okay...
here's what I'm doing right now:
And that's the story of how I overdosed on meth and then figuratively and perceptively died, remembered how to do the whole thing without the drugs and am currently trying to quit. They forced me into the hospital and I did end up having adhd.
Don't do something stupid if you can't focus, get the help you need.
This is not the likeliest of tales, but it is what happened to the 16 year old that dove straight into the hell of depression cause he was bored of new age ideas and swam in it for almost 2 years before getting bored of that entirely and only then could he even begin the enjoy a withdrawal like the one he's still stuggling with today.
But you could here the story of the first few years that lead back to that drug, then hopefully here see me get better, cause I'm bored of meth now, it feels the like right now and I'm not on anything but medication that doesn't get me high, just helps me focus without running off on tangents that I cannot go back from.
I can now go back to the start without starting again every freaking time and continue where I am, without fearing never going back again. Cause I wanna go back and finish the real story of how it all began. Preferably without any highs that make me crazy everytime i come down.
Except the last time, that time, that time it felt different. Because theirs nothing left to hurt me that I didn't enjoy...
And what it felt like, was never reaching that pleasure feeling again. I'm enjoying the unreachable now. I'm sure that sounds terrible, but I can see stars that aren't in the sky, but that's literally just a little hypnogogia.
Theirs more I found I can do without drugs, it's teachable if you try, without trying drugs. It's mostly just a science and someone confirmed the beginning, pareidolia. All the old stuff was with that. The rest, it's all known except one last part.
For all before here, just read the old blogs, they tell some but not all of what I found, that is complete, but I still am curious at a way to that last little part that's sort of been done before...
I saw trees there too, in the sky, but I gotta confirm a little theory of mind for now. I'll update this in time. It's in there bro, the outwall. is the unreached, reachable ?
Matters not, it's safer without it anyways. I'm still gonna try though, try to see those things in the half closed eye again... Sober and not half dead.
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